Dear Parents, especially those of you who have come from broken families.
I want you to know that the terrible things that you experienced during your growing up years were not your fault.
I want you to know you are not alone. The bad things that happened during your childhood (trauma) are called Adverse Childhood Experiences, or ACES.
You may already know that trauma affects every aspect of your life, including how you parent your children.
Do you WANT to be a good parent but secretly are scared to death your child will follow the wrong footsteps?
Do you WANT to break the abuse cycle to give your child a better life but have no idea how or where to even start?
As unfair as life is, God never promised that our lives would be easy and pain free. In fact He said, "...In this world you will have trouble....!" John 16:33
You can take the short test to see how you score here on the Aces website link. And then,
HERE IS SOMETHING TO GIVE YOU HOPE:
There is a Resilience test (you can find it by scrolling down past the charts on the same page as the ACES questionnaire) of 14 questions that help you reflect on the positive relationships you had in your childhood as well as what kind of supports you currently have as an adult.
Having supportive relationships help you to overcome ACES. When I first took the tests a few years ago, I was dismayed to find out that my ACES score was 6. BUT my resilience score of 12 gave me hope and helped me to focus on getting the support I needed to heal and be the wife and mother my family needed!
Adverse childhood experiences can make the cycle of abuse continue round and round for generations, but resilience is what can break it. Ask the Lord to bring the right supportive people into your life who will help you along in your healing process. There are a lot of books available - here are some books that helped me. You might find a local therapist to talk to. In our area we have opportunities for trauma therapy that are focused on healing for your child through Voices for Children. If you don't live nearby, look at the programs they have available so you can use the wording to search for something near you.
The cycle of abuse in my family ended with my husband and I. We have made it through many trials in our 27 years together and we want to be a blessing to others. We trained together in Darkness to Light's Stewards of Children Facilitator Training as well as PRIDE training to become foster parents, and several Trauma trainings to help us parent our foster/adopted little ones.
Because of the trauma our children went through before they were placed with us at 18 months, and 8 1/2 months, we live with the effects of ACES every day. I would have great difficulty managing the behaviors of these precious children without healing from my own adverse childhood experiences and learning tools to help in their healing process!
My purpose for sharing with you is to give you hope! Even while you are still feeling broken you can read words of affirmation to your children and receive those words into your own heart at the same time.
This is why my book, Raising PEARLS: Prepared, Empowered, Armored, Restored, Loved & Secure Children is so very important for every parent to have. The activities and conversation prompts for talking with your kids help you to pour affirmation, encouragement and love into them while preparing, empowering and armoring them to protect themselves if necessary and know who to trust when they are scared.
If your child has already been abused, my book has the tools to help you at home to begin to restore them toward healing (get your child into trauma-informed therapy, too).
Predators prey on children who are vulnerable: children who are seeking love, affection and for basic needs to be met. Reading and doing the activities in Raising PEARLS with your kids will help them to feel safe, important and secure.
By the way, remember Jesus' words under my 2nd paragraph? It sounds very negative and hopeless unless you read the entire verse all together:
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 NIV
I believe that God can use our personal experiences to be able to empathize with and be a blessing to others who are going through similar circumstances.
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and
the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those
in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." 2 Cor 1:3&4
Would you like to be part of a private group to share experiences from your childhood, or get encouragement in your parenting from other experienced parents? Would you like prayers for healing from ACES? Would you be encouraged by a monthly newsletter with tips for fun activities with your kids, helpful information, updates, freebies?
I would love for you to comment below or send me an email to let me know how I can best serve you!