Earning God's Love - NOT

I used to wonder if God really cared. I actually thought that He really was just waiting for a chance to squash me with his gigantic thumb. I tried desperately to do good, work hard, give my 110% so that He might be pleased instead of disappointed.

I became a workaholic in the process.

Granted, much of my desire to please came from being criticized and abused as a child. My desire to please my earthly father became a habit of trying to live up to my own unreachable standards.

I started project after project, each one for noble purposes; to help ease the financial burden on my husband, to teach our children a good work ethic, to provide healthy food & products for our family, to serve others…

My life became so filled with projects that I forgot the reasons behind each one.

I was falling asleep driving before I even got 5 minutes down the road to town. My kids were complaining that I was too busy. I dreamed that I was sitting in church cutting my hair bit by bit with nail clippers.

Then I asked God to show me what to do - what I needed to change.

I awoke one morning from a dream in which I saw a desk piled with papers. On top of the pile was a single index card with “John 4:38” written on it.

I spoke the scripture out loud as soon as my eyes flew open so that I would not forget. My husband asked, groggily, “what’s John 4:38?” I looked it up in my Bible immediately.

“I sent you to reap what have not work for. Others have done the hard work, and you have reaped the benefits of their labor.”

I had no idea at the time what the scripture meant FOR ME. That it was a direct answer from the Lord when I asked Him what to do. He wanted me to DO NOTHING.

Nothing as in, stop trying so hard to carry everything on my own shoulders. Stop trying to prove myself worthy. Stop trying to EARN respect from HUMANS. STOP TRYING TO EARN GOD’S LOVE.

I wish I could say I learned that lesson quickly, but I didn’t.

In the next couple of years, we experienced multiple losses. Farm animals & gardens died, relationships were damaged, Scott was injured and lost his job. I had to face my traumatic past, report my father for abuse, cut him out of my life for the safety of our children and myself. We had accepted twin toddlers into our home to adopt but were forced to return them to their birth parents after three months of bonding. Our oldest son went into the Air Force, our 2nd son graduated from Homeschool High School. We had to sell our hobby farm – my dream home.

I found myself flat on the floor in grief, desperate for God to rescue me or bury me in a pit.

Then God did some miraculous things.

Our hobby farm sold before our finances ran out, and there was $60,000 left to buy a new home.

We found and purchased a foreclosure in a wealthy neighborhood for that exact amount – miraculously the owner had bought it to flip and had never seen it in person. It was a beautiful ranch, ready to move into with no pressing work needing to be done!

Our teenage children called it a vacation house. I called it our Healing House since that was where I filled three prayer journals and discovered that the Lord was my Daddy in Heaven who had ADOPTED me and grafted me into His Vine because of His grace & love, not because of what I could do.

It took giving up everything but my husband and children for me to be open to receiving the abundance of HIS gift. It was like a small sample of Heaven; of green pastures, and He had brought us there to lie down and rest.

But just for a time.

Over the next 7 years a bunch more miracles would happen. ---- This is my story! Testimonies of God's love & provision are my favorite! Would you like to hear what happens next?

Have you got a testimony to share? #truestory #testimonial